So my sister is having a really rough time of it lately. She just ended a long-term relationship and is pretty much having to re-define her life plans. It's been devastating for her. She calls me several times a week in tears, just sobbing and sobbing about how hard this is for her and how she feels like it's never going to feel better.
It's been interesting for me to listen to her in relation to my own issues surrounding fertility. And it reminds me that pain is all so relative - what seems like a big deal to some isn't to others, and yet everyone's got something...some issue or problem or challenge in their life that sometimes makes it hard to go through life each day. As I was reminding my sister of this fact earlier tonight, I told myself that I needed to take my own advice..
On a somewhat unrelated topic, today I want to write down on paper some of my only child fears. I know some of them are irrational or unjustifiable, but nevertheless, they exist in my head and I worry a lot about them. I'll put them into categories for easy digestion:
LONELINESS:
*Our home will seem empty and quiet in comparison to others
*No friends will want to play here because of the above fact
*Jenna will become a loner as an adult
*Jenna will hate family vacations because she won't have anyone to play with
*I will be lonely as a mother
SOCIAL ISOLATION/DYSFUNCTION
*Jenna will feel left out when others talk about siblings
*Jenna will never learn to "share" appropriately
*Jenna will always rely on dad or mom to entertain her at home
*Jenna will always want more attention than she can get from teachers and other adults
*Jenna will not learn good boundaries with other kids
*Jenna will be so bossy that no one will want to play with her
*I will expect too much of her
*I will "over-mother" her in my attempt to make up for the fact that she's an only
EXPLANATION OF WHY SHE'S AN ONLY
*I dread the day Jenna starts asking for a sister/brother
*I want her to understand that we really wanted her to have siblings, but it just didn't work out that way....is that ok?
THE DREADED BIGGIES
*What on earth will I do if something happened to her?
*What on earth will she do if something happens to me?
Today is also Cycle Day 1. This is the first time in a very, very long time that I haven't rushed on to FF and started a new online chart. To be exact, the first time since July 2005. Don't get me wrong, I'm DYING to. But I'm resisting temptation. I thought I'd just write it down on here instead :)
2 comments:
Can I tell you that my best friend from college is an only child? She has a huge social network of friends. I think she learned especially good friendship skills because she didn't have a built-in play situation at home. Jenna will enjoy lots of play dates now, and when she is older, in middle school and high school, her friends will be old enough to come with you on family vacations. My dd did the same thing, as she was the only girl and wanted another teen girl to come along.
I'm praying for a miracle baby for you. I just wanted you to know that "only-ness" can work out fine. As my Harvard-educated lawyer friend can attest.
I completely "get" all those fears. I wish we didn't have to face them at all! Many hugs!
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