Feeling Anxious

I'm starting to get antsy about our consult tomorrow, so I thought I'd blog a little about my feelings and get my head straight about my goals. DH is being very supportive, for which I'm very grateful. I know he's mostly doing this for me, but he hasn't moaned or sighed about it once since I reminded him about the appt. this morning. I wasn't even sure he'd want to come along, but he said he was planning on it.

My most immediate concern that I want to discuss with him is related to the recent return of the extended spotting issues I dealt with following my botched d&c. That was one of the most obvious symptoms to me that something wasn't right after the surgery. After I went off bcps, up through conceiving dd, and prior to my m/c I'd always been a very light and short bleeder. My periods would simply start with red flow, last 2-3 days and then cease with no spotting either before or after the regular menstrual flow. After dd was born, my cycles started lasted a maybe a day or two longer, but they were still very light and with very little spotting either before or after. After the d&c, I started having all kinds of spotting. I would bleed for maybe a day or two, and then have 4-6 days of fairly heavy dark brown spotting - sometimes enough for a pantiliner. TMI - but sometimes it would be stringy or clotty, but always dark brown or black with not a trace of red to it. I know this maybe doesn't sound all that abnormal, but it was different than what I was used to. I kept mentioning it to my OBGYN who did the d&c, and she kept discounting it. Finally I went to the RE, who discovered some leftover tissue and recommended a hysteroscopy to clean things out a bit more. After that surgery in December 2006, I immediately went into fertility treatments and the spotting virtually stopped. I wasn't sure whether it was b/c of the medications or the surgery, but I was relieved that it seemed to be gone. Fast forward to September 2007 and the end of treatments. My first couple of cycles post-fertility drugs were very normal for me -- less spotting and redder, shorter bleeding. However, for the last 3 months I've noticed that the spotting seems to be slowly returning. This month I had one day (CD1) of red blood and am now on day 5 of fairly heavy, dark brown, stringy spotting.

(I know most of you don't give a damn about all this detail, but it helps me to write it out!)

Next, I want to be clear about my intent to NOT take any birth control pills or Lupron to down-regulate my natural cycle. Intuitively, I've always felt that I don't need this, and now I feel strongly that in order for me to have a successful IVF cycle, I simply can't take any of these kinds of drugs. It just oversuppresses my natural cycle too much that my body can't recover in time, even with the help of the FSH drugs. I have no idea how Dr. G will respond to this. I know he'll be ok with skipping Lupron, but I haven't discussed the BCP thing with him before. My sense is that he'll be willing to work with me.

Next, I want to discuss some of the more "advanced" IVF options, including estrogen priming protocol, using a vaginal Viagra compound to increase lining, ICSI and assisted hatching. I want to know if he thinks any of these are options for me, keeping in mind that this is our one and only shot and i want to be as pro-active and aggressive as possible. I'd rather shell out an additional $500 for ICSI this time if means upping our chances even in the slightest, or even if it just means eliminating potential risks of failure...

I think that's about it. I'll be sure to update sometime tomorrow. Think positive thoughts for me!!