So I've spent much of the last 5 years worrying about how my infertility was going to affect Jenna. I laid awake many a night overcome with guilt at not being able to give her a sibling. I worried that she would turn into a dysfunctional, bossy, loner adult because she didn't have any sibling playmates as a kid. I agonized about how lonely it would be for her when DH and I got older and when we died. I wanted a second child as much for Jenna as I did for myself.
Poor Jenna has been having a hard time lately. She's super whiny and cling and glued to my leg at all times. She can't seem to get enough of my attention, and throws an all-out tantrum whenever DH tries to intervene and give me some space. I know part of it is my new job and the changes it has caused in her daily routine. I think part of it is holiday over-excitement. And tonight I discovered that she is pretty darn stressed about the new baby. In fact, I'd ever go so far as to say she's not looking forward to it too much right at this moment :(
Ahhh, the irony.
I just spent the last 45 minutes laying with Jenna in her bed while she sobbed into her blanket and told me things like:
"When the new baby comes, I won't get to play with you very much and I'll MISS you!"
"I was an only child for 6 years and it was fun! I don't want to share you Mom!"
"We won't get to play loud games anymore because the baby will be sleeping and I'll have to be quiet!"
"You'll have to feed the baby all the time and I can't help you nurse."
"There are too many changes in our life right now and I'm having a hard time adjusting!" (yes, my 6 year old said those exact words.)
I know that all I can do is love her and reassure her that I'm still going to love her when the baby comes, and tell her what a great big sister she's going to be....but it's H.A.R.D. She's been my only child for 6 years, and for most of that time it's been all about jenna and mom. (poor dad has always played second fiddle, but he doesn't complain and is a great dad!). Things are going to change, she's right. I'll do all I can do to give her what she needs and ease this transition for her. I guess that's all I can do....
It's so hard to be a mom sometimes! You just can't win!
6 comments:
Aw! How tough! She's going to be a great big sister, though!
If siblings got to vote on whether to have a new baby or not, my family would be small indeed. ;-)
Ah, I'm sure that's hard to hear but it won't be long before she will be absolutely THRILLED about that new baby in her life.
I am giggling a little at that last comment of hers too! She sounds very mature !
Awww, sorry she's tugging at your heartstrings...I'm sure she'll adjust with time. :)
My dd was 5 when she finally got her sister this past January. She was terribly excited, but then would ask piercing questions like "Mommy, if your heart is full of me, and then we add a baby, and she takes up my space, where will the room be for ME in your heart?" Gasp. And she's had her moments, but like you said, all you can do is lover her and do the best you can. For the most part, she's been wonderful and loves being a big sister (and is much more helpful and well adjusted than she'd be in many ways than she would have been if we'd had the first baby we planned. It will be ok--but I cried my eyes out on the way to my induction because I felt like I was betraying her.
I keep telling myself that my daughter will be thankful for her little brother. SOMEDAY.
Sounds like Jenna needs to process all these thoughts - it's great she can articulate them! I've heard that siblings more than 5 years apart in age tend to develop more like two onlies - so maybe that will continue to be her experience in some way.
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