The Final Hurrah Begins

Steve and I have decided to give IVF one final try. After a very emotionally intense discussion the other night - the first one we've been able to have in a long time that didn't result in him angry and me crying -- he told me that he loves me very much and really just wants to do whatever I need to do to be able to move on with our lives. I told him that frankly, that was going to mean having another baby one way or another. I gave him the option of pursuing adoption or another IVF cycle, as I don't really have strong feelings either way at this point, and he chose IVF.

I tried to get him to explain to me why he so anti-adoption, but he couldn't really articulate it, other than saying he didn't really want to adopt internationally. I told him about my online friend Melissa's adoption story, and how many, many people are still doing domestic adoptions. I told him I had the name of the supposed best adoption lawyer in Kansas. I told him that I thought we could at least start on the homestudy and initial paperwork without investing a huge chunk of money. But -- he still wants to try the IVF first. Financially, it's not really an issue because my dad has already offered to pay for as many tries as we need (yes, he's very generous that way, and I am very fortunate), so I called and scheduled a consult for February 26th.

Maybe this is naive, but I really feel like if we can just get through an entire IVF -- retrieval, transfer, everything - and it fails, I'll be able to close the door on the fertility treatments. I realize that probably most people say that, and then many go on to do more tries, but I just don't think my marriage can take much more. I can't even believe I'm saying that - and not that I really believe that Steve and I would ever get divorced, but it's definitely taken it's toll on both of us. Steve is hurting too, and sometimes I forget that.

So -- I'm already strategizing. I'm on CD12 now, which means AF should arrive around the 18th or 19th. I'm trying to determine whether it would be beneficial to hold off AF with progesterone, so that I could be on CD2 or CD3 and get labs and a baseline u/s done at my appointment on the 26th. That would only be beneficial, I guess, if I could get right in on an IVF cycle. I should probably call and talk to Jane, the IVF nurse, about the dates. I'm going to tell Dr. G that the only way I want to do this next try is without Lupron and without birth control pills. I know they like to use BCPs to get all the women cycling together, but I really think those pills in combo with the Lupron are what caused me to over-suppress last time. If I have to wait several months until my natural cycle coincides with an IVF cycle, fine. No bcps, though!

Ahh, the child arrives. Most go for now :)