**Feel free to disregard this sad and self-absorbed post. It's purely selfish.*
I'm totally obsessing here. Steve is gone for 2 more hours at his model airplane club meeting. Jenna is watching Curious George, and I'm pacing around the house like a crazy person. This is absolute torture.
Part of my brain has already gone into "I'm losing it" mode, simply as a coping strategy. And, as part of that mode, here are my thoughts:
Something is definitely wrong with me.
Should I do the blood panel for repeat miscarriages?
Should we even keep trying?
I can't go through this very many more times. It's taking years of my life.
Is it worth it?
I know I am not alone. Many women have multiple miscarriages and do end up with a healthy baby. I am reminded of MA and how many times she struggled getting a sticky bean. I am reminded of Jessica and how she spotted for weeks and weeks and weeks and still had a healthy baby. I am reminded of the fact that I spotted with Jenna both right in the beginning and again at 10 weeks and she ended up perfectly fine.
I still feel like I'm losing my mind. I do not deal well in crisis (at least not my own!) and I am easily thrust into panic-mode. Steve hates when I get like this, as he feels totally helpless. So I guess I'm kind of glad he isn't here to witness it.
Ahhh...Curious George is over, so I better stop neglected my child. Thank god for Jenna.
1 comment:
You can do this! (((hugs))) Don't count yourself out yet - right now, you *are* pregnant. You don't have to decide right now what to do *if* you lose this pregnancy. Take a deep breath, take solace in and energy from Jenna's enthusiasm for life, talk to Steve when he gets home... I know it feels like absolute torture. I am hoping it is just a sign that your bean is getting deeply implanted!
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